Trigger warning: Anxiety symptoms
I needed help. I was at my wits end. Amongst other things I was dealing with anxiety that was just spiraling out of control. I did notice how certain people triggered my anxiety. It was years of being in denial. Sugar and caffeine in large amounts contributed to my anxiety. Smoking cigarettes was a terrible way to deal with my anxiety. Not having an outlet was contributing to my anxiety. Big crowds made me anxious. It was a time of true self reflection. I really had to break it down for myself. I had to dig deep. I did find a therapist who helped me tremendously. There was lots of talking and crying I was incredibly sad when I found out she was going to work in another city. That also gave me anxiety. But she had given me the tools to start my personal journey with dealing with my anxiety. I had to get my power back.
The stigma is what messed with me and still gets to me. I can type in front of my laptop and share my deepest darkest secrets with complete strangers but I can’t have a conversation with my own family. Well I can with some, not all. The stigma, the ignorance or just the lack of acknowledging that anxiety is real, hurts. To me it always seemed like I had to keep it a secret. I always felt like something was wrong with me.
I looked for ways to strengthen my mind. I looked on Youtube, social media, and wherever else I could find ways to put myself in the proper mindset. This did not happen right away. This took time. I quit smoking cigarettes. I cut down the alcohol. I started taking walks. I looked into breathing exercises.
Telling myself everything was going to be ok. Talking to myself like I would a friend who was dealing with anxiety. I realized that the thoughts in my head were so negative towards myself. I was guilty of dwelling on the same thing over and over again.
There was a lot of trial and error with this. I also had became accustomed to feeling the symptoms of anxiety. So it felt very strange not being in a constant state of anxiousness. Not feeling like my heart was going to explode out of my chest first thing in the morning was different. The change was scary. How would my life be if I were anxiety free?
Let me tell you it has its up and downs. But I really enjoy the calm state of mind. I love that my muscles aren’t always tense. I don’t find myself clenching my jaw often anymore. I am not sweating profusely. But doesn’t mean that my anxiety doesn’t make an appearance, it still does. But now I feel like I have the tools to keep it from getting out of control.
I hope you enjoyed my Anxiety series. I will be posting some tips on how I deal with my anxiety on my IG page. I also will be recording some audio clips to help you get through it as well. Thank you so much for reading.
If you aren’t already following me on IG please follow me at @mind_morph